The Tank.

05Aug07

Here is a short story I wrote, hope you like it …

The Orion Hover Tank was one of the hottest toys on the market. It was a replica of the actual Orion Hover Tank that had been responsible for driving the Targon alien invaders out of the Florida Everglades and every kid wanted one.

For starters it actually hovered. A kid could sit inside the plastic beast and hover all over the house. Then there was the laser sighted cannon that launched tennis balls up to fifty yards with amazing accuracy. The built in computer system would even provide status updates to the mini-tanker as he hovered along looking for aliens to battle.

“Alert: enemy detected.” The tank would warn when it entered a room that contained plastic targets bearing the likeness of the many tentacled Targons.

“Fuel cells powered and ready for combat.” It would announce once it was done charging it’s solar panels.

“Hover Tank Warriors will start in approximately 15 minutes. Check your local listings.” It would shill for the cruddy cartoon based on the toy. And don’t worry, when the show changed nights the schedule was updated via the tank’s WiFi connection.

My mother bought my son the tank for Christmas. Spoiling him as only a grandmother could do. Although I think her main motivation was vengeance for the hell I had put her through when I was a kid.

I hated that toy, but my son loved it so I would grin and bear it as he hovered through the house launching tennis balls at alien invaders, the dog, and me when I wasn’t fast enough to get out of the way. The only time I took it away from him was when he loaded the dog’s hard rubber ball into the cannon and put a hole in the drywall. Other than that it was smooth hovering and I was even getting used to the sound of the tank’s propulsion system humming though the house. But I really started loving the tank after the night it saved our lives.

The home invader had hacked into our house’s computer system weeks before the night he actually broke in. He had been silently monitoring us through the Internet enabled nanny cams spread throughout the house. He could listen to our VoIP calls, co-surf the net with us, and he could even tell what we were having for dinner by monotoning what the refrigerator would auto-defrost that night.

Once he got his voyeurism kicks he wanted to commit an old fashion crime: burglary. He waited until my family was asleep and then cut our house’s online connection. Then he used the codes he had stolen from observing us to open up the front door and walk in.

When he came in I was in the kitchen poking around for a late night snack. I first noticed something was wrong when my search of our refrigerator inventory stopped and returned an error. I didn’t hear him slink in the front door because I continued my search the old fashioned way, with my head stuck inside the fridge sorting through various food items. And that’s when he hit me with the stun baton.

I came to moments later but I still hadn’t gained control of my limbs from the stun charge. The bastard had actually brought the fridge search back online and was browsing for something to eat. I was about to start cussing when I heard the hum of the hover tank coming down the hall.

I wanted my son to run, but I knew if I said anything it would alert the hacker. The hover tank entered the kitchen and the hacker finally heard it. He spun away from the fridge with his stun baton poised to strike. He looked at the hover tank, smiled, and said “Cool.” A moment later the dog’s hard rubber ball bounced off his temple followed by a barrage of wickedly aimed tennis balls.

The hacker fell to the kitchen floor, out cold, and my son used the tank’s WiFi connection to alert the police.

Have I told you how much I love the Orion Hover Tank?


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