The Hasselhoff fart.
I was reading a very old edition of a Men’s Journal (November 2000 to be exact, what can I say it has Heidi Klum on the cover) and I came across this gem contained within an article about David Hasselhoff by Karl Taro Greenfeld.
[Hasselhoff] is talking about how one of the best things about being famous is that you can walk into any locker room of almost any sport, from Jacksonville to the Bronx, and all the athletes know you — “Hey, Knight Rider!”
Then he rips this incredibly loud fart. He doesn’t apologize or excuse himself. He just walks over and opens a cigar case and pulls out a couple of Cohibas as if nothing happened. The Hasselhoff fart is rich and coffee-scented, and it surrounds us. We just stand there for a moment breathing it in, and The Hasselhoff smiles, as if to say, Yes, this is my smell, this is part of my Hasslehoffness, and I am not shy about sharing it with you. It actually is an amazing act of aplomb — how many men or women can you think of who can fart around a virtual stranger and not feel any shame or humiliation or need to beat a hasty retreat or suggest a change of venue? No, The Hasselhoff is untroubled by such trivial expulsions, and that, too, is part of his greatness.
Freakin’ hilarious! I couldn’t find the full article online, but the whole thing is pretty good. If anyone locates this ode to the ‘Hoff please share it in the comments.
lizfrog 8:09 pm on October 19, 2007 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Oh.My.God! Coffee scented? That’s a new one. I’ve heard garlic, onion… even licorice. But never coffee. Too funny!
Liz
Mike Doe 11:09 am on October 20, 2007 Permalink | Log in to Reply
This pretty much sums up The Hoff’s entire career!
Corey 2:36 pm on October 21, 2007 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Kitt, I need you.
I searched and searched for you but, alas, I could not find the article.
Perhaps you dreamed it?
Kitt’s Seat Warmer « the lazy side 10:30 am on October 25, 2007 Permalink | Log in to Reply
[...] at The Short Fat Kid has found yet another reason to love the [...]
oakbridge 6:32 pm on November 1, 2007 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Fart is an art. Fart is an English language vulgarism most commonly used in reference to flatulence. The word fart is sometimes used as a nonspecific derogatory epithet, often to refer to ‘an irritating or foolish person’, and potentially an elderly person, described as an ‘old fart’. Farts can be stinky, wet, loud, or silent but deadly. Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable. You can test that with a match. QUOTE OF THE DAY: Confucius say, Man who fart in church sit in own pew. Get a Fart Button for your website. That’s right you can add a little bit of extra humor and excitement to your site by adding a Fart Button.
The Art of the Fart
Fart can be used as a noun or a verb. Come on admit it, your own farts smell alright to you, If you have your friends smell your farts, to everyone else they’re rotten and smell like you’ve been eating road kill. So you say “How can you make my fart not smell so bad”. Well, for starters, the gas that makes up a fart comes from two sources: more originates from the breakdown of food by the digestive system, and some is from swallowed air.
Farts Parts
Farts come in different shapes, sizes and stench. Farts, burps, poop, pee, boogers, scabs, warts, puss, snot and puke; these are just a few of the subjects that are being thoroughly investigated during an exhibit entitled “Grossology,” on display at the McWane Center in downtown Birmingham through Sept. Also I believe it was the subject of many conversations when I was in middle school.
The Law of Farting
Farting is best when it’s done on someone. At work, farting is permitted outside a Company building provided farts will not enter the building and it is not a thoroughfare for non-farters. Farting requires positioning that best maximizes the bodies ability to expel gas. Farting is unpleasant, and you should always hold it in until you can slip off to the hallway. Farting never gets old, not in the slightest, but I say farting makes me feel good, though it’s not nearly as good as that big ol’ dump in the morning. Farting is common among all humans. It keeps us humble. Farting is a privilege, not a right.
Family of Farters
I come from a family of open farters. Please note that I am referring to farts that make your family and friends yelp. For example, Blazing saddles will be on tonight at 9 on FOX Family. I’ll be right here at 9, if I can remember which channel FOX Family is. But first I have to clear my brain.
The word “fart” has been incorporated into the colloquial and technical speech of a number of occupations, especially computing. Farting is always funny, and when they stink, it’s even funnier. Farts smell obnoxious because of the breakdown of compounds containing sulfur (think rotten eggs). Farting is a field ripe for exploration and indeed it’s over-ripe. Fart and the whole world farts with you.
Guy 8:48 am on November 2, 2007 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Wow, thanks for the fart facts.